


Functional Superfamilies

by Odsbodkins



Series: Family is what you make it [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, M/M, Mpreg, Unconventional Families
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-15
Updated: 2013-06-15
Packaged: 2017-12-14 23:23:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/842626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odsbodkins/pseuds/Odsbodkins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/841560">We Are Family</a>. </p><p>In which Bucky is very good at his job, SHIELD medical are not as good as they think they are, Steve is a little incoherent, Bruce is selfless, Tony fails to engineer his way out of a problem, Clint and Natasha have an excellent holiday, and Thor buys the best presents.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Functional Superfamilies

**Author's Note:**

> With thanks to [donutsweeper](http://archiveofourown.org/users/donutsweeper) for the beta.

Bucky was fed up with the ‘can he be trusted’ missions. They were boring, and stupidly easy. But he knew he had to play nicely and follow the rules, be a good little assassin, otherwise he’d never get to do anything interesting.

The truth was, he’d do just about anything if it kept Steve and Natasha safe. It was that simple. Playing nicely with SHIELD kept them safe, let him watch their backs at least some of the time, so that’s what he was going to do.

The SHIELD shrinks had asked him, in the weeks following getting his memories back, about feelings of guilt about all the people he’d killed. He told them the truth: he didn’t feel guilty at all. He did what he did to protect Natasha, and he’d do it all again if it protected her. If he had to take down the whole world to make sure no harm came to Natasha or Steve, he’d do it. No hesitation, and definitely no guilt afterwards.

They wanted him to be guilty, he’d realised. They wanted to offer him redemption, atonement. They wanted a clean slate, so they could put clear water between themselves and the Red Room, say to themselves that they were completely different. They didn’t want to know that if Bucky hadn’t lost his memories it probably wouldn’t have much changed what the Winter Soldier did. That the Winter Soldier’s motivations for working for the Red Room were not too far removed from Bucky’s motivations for working for SHIELD.

There was the target now. Bucky breathed out, read the winds, and pulled the trigger. Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier, doting father and devoted boyfriend, killed another man in the name of protecting the people he loved.

\---

Steve knew that Bucky was on his way home, which usually meant that Bucky had killed someone. Sometimes he thought he should feel worse about himself, when his main concern about his partner killing someone was just that Bucky ended up ok. But, as Bucky said, an assassin was just a very picky and precise soldier. He knew that the public image of Captain America was a wholesome hero who somehow managed to vanquish the bad guys without killing anyone. But he was a soldier and he’d killed a lot of people. Not as many as Bucky (who had?), but still, a lot of people.

Actually, Bucky’s remark about assassins had been in the middle of a long explanation after the Avengers had finished watching the ‘Star Wars’ movies of why assassinating the Emperor would have saved thousands of lives of both Imperial and Rebel forces. Which then degenerated into an argument between Tony, Bucky and Clint about the practicalities of assassinating someone who could feel your presence.

Given how bizarre Steve’s life was these days, he had a nasty feeling that parts of that argument might come in useful in future.

Anyway. Bucky was on his way home, which meant there was a reasonable chance of them seeing each other before Steve was sent on his own mission the next day.

This was confirmed with a text as he walked into the briefing room: _In the building. Need to clear medical. Then I will blow you in your briefing, yes?_

_No. Wait until coffee break._

_No fun_

“Once Captain Rogers has quite finished sexting his boyfriend, perhaps we can begin?”

Steve gave his best innocent look. He wasn’t sure if he should be ashamed of being accused of sexting, or proud that he was now so comfortable with modern technology. But he was a professional, and ignored the text he received in the middle of the briefing.

He looked at his phone again when he stood up to leave: _Change of plan. Come to medical. Don’t worry. I’m not dying, I’m not ill._

That was less than reassuring. A whole range of bad things could be covered by that.

He deliberately kept to a normal walking pace to get to medical. Bucky had said not to worry, and so he wasn’t going to cause a scene by sprinting over there. However much he wanted to.

One of the orderlies showed him to the examination room where Bucky was, alone, staring out of the window. He turned when Steve entered the room, and as soon as the door was shut blurted out, “I’m pregnant.”

That stopped Steve in his tracks, halfway across the room. “What?”

“Pregnant. Fourteen weeks.”

“They said-“

“Guess medical knowledge ain’t a match for super-sperm.” Bucky walked to Steve, who was still in the middle of the room. “You’ve still got your mouth open.”

“Sorry. Um. I. Is this- is this what you want?”

“I thought you’d be pleased.”

“I am- I mean. Uh. Natasha gave me the lecture on female bodily autonomy when we were staked out two doors down from an abortion clinic-“

“Atta girl.”

“So I’m trying to work out what I’m being supportive of before being supportive.”

“It’s a helluva life to be born into. But Natasha did swell. So. Gonna go through with it.”

Steve grabbed Bucky and kissed him, sweeping him off his feet in the process. Bucky laughed when they parted, looked so genuinely happy that Steve wanted to burn the image into his mind forever. Steve wasn’t at the point where he thought that he could actually say anything coherent, but he was smiling so hard that he thought Bucky got the message.

“Wanna see?” Bucky hit the call button.

Steve had been told about ultrasounds as part of his huge update on medical technology, but he hadn’t realised how good it was. He could just about persuade himself that Bucky might possibly have the beginnings of a bump, but really, there was nothing to be seen on the outside. But on the screen there was an admittedly blurry, moving picture of Bucky’s-their baby. He knew he was probably supposed to say something, but he was just about managing to make some positive noises and that was about it.

As soon as the sonographer left, Bucky looked at Steve and said very seriously, “Now we’re gonna go home, work out all the positions we can’t screw in when I’ve got a baby bump, and screw in all of them. Or as many of them as we can before you gotta go. Ok?”

Steve just about managed to say, “Wzgfl.”

“Taking that as a yes.”

\---

Natasha had her feet up in her room, taking a well-deserved break with a trashy paperback.

There was a knock on the door and her papa stuck his head in and said in Russian, “Doing anything important?”

Natasha looked at him over the top of her book and shook her head. He threw her a bag, which she caught and opened as he sat next to her on the couch. Inside was a brightly coloured picture book, proclaiming in large friendly letters on the cover “I’m The Big Sister!”. She looked at the book, then looked at her papa, who was smiling broadly.

She narrowed her eyes. “Deliberately or accidentally?”

“Accidentally.”

She hit him with the book.

“What happened to ‘congratulations’?”

“You don’t get congratulated for accidents. It’s- sloppy. The sort of thing that can get you killed in the field.”

“The Red Room couldn’t get me pregnant. SHIELD told me I couldn’t get pregnant. I was working on the best possible intelligence, which just happened to be wrong. Does that satisfy the court martial, Agent Romanov?”

She sighed. She realised that she had overreacted a little. “Sorry, papa. Force of habit.”

“No, you’re right. I’ve got comfortable here. Too relaxed. But I haven’t gone completely soft. I’ve started thinking about potential threats.”

Natasha nodded. “You’re more vulnerable, but your baby will be worse. If you ever want to leave the tower I’m going to have to-“

“What do you mean _you’re_ going to-“

“I mean, pregnant wo- people are not supposed to do strenuous things. I would like your help in the planning, but I will take out the threats.”

“Natasha, putting my daughter in danger to protect my other child is not what I want.”

“I’m a grown woman, papa. This is what needs to be done, and I can’t trust anyone else to do it. But I’ll take Clint along too. He was saying we didn’t do enough as a couple.”

Together they made their list, of people who would not hesitate to attack the Winter Soldier or Captain America through a child. Natasha didn’t bother saying that they weren’t going to do this through SHIELD. The way SHIELD worked, sometimes they would keep targets alive to lead them to others, or strike deals with them for larger goals. This wasn’t what they needed. Nor did she bother asking whether he’d told Steve about this. Of course he hadn’t. Her papa was very protective of him, but Steve was also more perceptive than people gave him credit for, and probably guessed half the things her papa tried to keep from him.

She enjoyed the planning. It reminded her of some of the better parts of her childhood.

Her papa said, “You realise I’m going to have to tell the rest of the team, yes?”

“Of course.”

“They’re going to ask about you. What do you want me to say?”

Natasha thought for a while. She hadn’t wanted the team to know that Steve was her father, because, in all but the genetic sense, he wasn’t. Would it change how they treated her? But having her papa around hadn’t seemed to change things. She had a very fluid relationship to the truth, and normally lying wouldn’t bother her at all. But somehow, being part of a team had changed this. She didn’t want to lie to the other Avengers (though she was still completely fine with not telling them the whole truth).

“The truth. You’re my papa, Steve’s my father. But let me tell Clint.”

Her papa made a disappointed noise. “And I was so looking forward to messing with his head again.”

\---

Clint recognised the expression on Natasha’s face as she came into the room. It was her “I have something serious to tell you, pay attention or else” expression.

“You asked about my mom. Well, you’ve met him. My papa is my mom.”

Clint paused, judged that this wasn’t one of her completely deadpan-delivery jokes, then said, “You do know that SHIELD has communal showers, right?”

“I know, he’s a guy, he’s a guy who can get pregnant. They think it was from some of Hydra’s experiments.”

“He got knocked up by Nazis?”

“No, he got a uterus from Nazis. He got knocked up by Steve.”

“Wait, you’re saying-“

“Steve is my father. My papa is my mother. But- I’m never going to think of Steve as my father. I can’t.” She shrugged. “Shared genes doesn’t make a father.”

It wasn’t fair. It really wasn’t. Just at the point that he thought he’d gotten over “the woman I love’s father is the Winter Soldier”, the same Winter Soldier turned up, hospitalized him, and, oh yes, turned out to be his team leader’s boyfriend. Then he had to get used to living with the guy. And now the Winter Soldier was actually his mother-in-law, and his father-in-law was Captain America. It really, really wasn’t fair.

So when Natasha said, “There’s something else,” his only possible reaction was to groan, “Oh god.”

“Papa’s pregnant. They don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl, it’s not co-operating with the ultrasound, apparently.”

This was much easier to deal with than the rest. Bucky was the model of propriety when Natasha was around, but when she wasn’t around, Bucky was, ah, very affectionate towards Steve. And had a store of filthy jokes that Clint’s inner twelve year old was deeply in awe of. So it wasn’t hard to work out what Steve and Bucky were doing with their alone time. Which meant if Bucky had the equipment (and Clint had a sudden hysterical thought as to whether Nazi wombs had little swastikas on them) then, well, that was what happened.

“Oh. When’s he due?”

“He’s fourteen weeks along right now.”

“So, what now? Do we need to go out shopping for maternity combat gear? Kevlar onesies?”

Natasha smiled. “I was thinking of being a bit more direct about protecting my new brother or sister. I have a list of names that need to be taken care of.”

“Without SHIELD being involved, right?”

“Of course. I’ve applied for joint leave for the two of us. A trip to Europe, see the sights, leave the world a bit safer for my family.”

Clint grinned. “Sounds an awesome holiday. As long as we can go see the Moulin Rouge. Always wanted to go.”

“Deal.”

\---

Dr. Caroline Robert was used to nervous parents, angry and upset parents, even parents who threatened her with violence. She was not used to half-smiling, middle-aged men in suits with SHIELD ID cards arriving in her office, telling her that they had rearranged her schedule and that she was coming with them. She did her best to object, and was politely (but still, somehow, very threateningly) steamrollered.

So she found herself in the SHIELD building in New York, being led into a conference room. It was something of a surprise to find that she recognised everyone there; Greg, another obstetrician (and co-author on all her best papers on caesarean sections); and Gill and Ivona, in her judgement the best neonatologists in the city.

The smiling man, who had introduced himself as Agent Coulson, said, “Everything you see and hear from hereon in is classified top secret by the US government. Any discussion of top secret information may be classified as treason, and may be punishable by death. Full details are on the form you have in front of you, which I will need you to sign.”

She did not like being treated like this. “And if we don’t?”

“Then we will escort you out of the building. You will not be at liberty to mention that you were ever here, but aside from that, there will be no repercussions.”

Gill said, “So we can just leave if we want to?”

“This is the United States, Dr. Young.”

Ivona said, “So why do you think we’re going to stay?”

He half-smiled again. “Because you want to know why we have brought you here.”

The four of them looked at each other. The irritating thing was, the man was right. If SHIELD had brought them together, it probably meant something interesting, and none of them had got where they were without a powerful sense of curiosity. So they read the forms (including the dire threats and warnings) and signed them.

Two SHIELD medical officers gave the presentation about ‘Agent B’. It was completely impossible, of course. Men couldn’t get pregnant. Even if they could, doing so twice accidentally via sperm making their own way up a tiny communication between the engineered uterus and the groin? The odds against that would be astronomical.

Once the medics finished their presentation, Greg was the first to speak. “Assuming this isn’t some weird prank, doesn’t SHIELD think about contraception for its agents?”

That was a damn good point, actually. The medics looked distinctly uncomfortable.

“We believed that Agent B could not conceive again.”

“On what basis?”

“The hostiles attempted to impregnate him on a number of occasions without success.”

Greg gave them an incredulous look. “How many occasions? By what means?”

“We don’t know-“

Greg sighed. “I’m signing you all up for refreshers in reproductive medicine.”

Would a set-up be more slick? Or did they put deliberate mistakes in to make it more believable?

Ivona said, “I still don’t believe it. It’s just not possible.”

Coulson said, “Two years ago, would you have said an alien invasion of New York was possible?”

And that was another good point. Weird was becoming increasingly everyday in this city. Caroline said, “So I take it that you want us to take on the antenatal care and delivery for Agent B?”

Coulson nodded. “As you can see, this is not an area we have expertise in.”

And if it was true, the implications were immense. She said, “It is a fascinating case, the opportunity for study-“

“Agent B has undergone a large amount of medical experimentation against his will. He is somewhat wary of doctors. He will accept medical care, but I advise you for your own safety to not do anything unnecessary.”

“For our own safety?”

Coulson smiled again. “Agent B is a valuable asset.”

Another veiled threat. She could live without any more of them. Best get to business. “Are we going to meet our patient?”

“Of course. I mentioned that he is wary of doctors. Since his partner is not available today, he is with his daughter. He requests that any interaction takes this into account.”

“His daughter? How old is she?”

“We are uncertain. She is an adult.”

Gill asked “So how old is Agent B?”, and Caroline belatedly realised that this important piece of information had not been given.

“Also uncertain.”

They were led through what was obviously the SHIELD medical facility, and presented a room with a man and a woman in it. The pseudonyms continued, as they were introduced to “Agent B, and Agent B’s daughter”. She had been expecting a little femininity in her patient, just through the fact that he was (supposed to be) pregnant. Instead he was aggressively masculine, with the emphasis on aggressive. Actually there was an aura of danger about both of them. He also didn’t look old enough to be the woman’s father.

They had a job to do. She smiled brightly, introduced herself and the others, received the warning from Agent B that he “ain’t being anyone’s lab rat, you do anything that ain’t routine and you’ll regret it.” The threat was very convincing, but it wasn’t the first she’d received and wasn’t likely to be the last. So she reassured him, and went through the same consultation she did with every new patient. She got monosyllabic answers, but could sense that he was getting a little less hostile as they went on.

When he took his shirt off to be examined she found the gleaming metal arm had a large white star near the shoulder joint and she wondered if this was some sort of SHIELD corporate branding. Examination showed he was in ridiculously good physical condition, and yes, with something that felt an awful lot like a pregnant uterus and a very, very faint scar that could be from a previous caesarean. The ultrasound confirmed it. She’d met her first pregnant man. At that moment she went from incredulous to worried. They were seriously off the maps here, no idea what to expect, whether the same approaches they normally used would work. What complications could you expect with an engineered uterus, and not just an engineered uterus but one which had previously undergone a caesarean? And what about the effects of a pregnancy on the male body? And what-

Her train of thought was interrupted when Agent B said to her, “Relax, doc. You seem a helluva lot more competent than the guys last time around. And that turned out ok, didn’t it?”

Well, her patient had confidence in her. And since he knew more about men being pregnant than she did, she’d have to go with his judgement on this one.

\---

Bruce was finding living with the Avengers surprisingly pleasant. Three assassins, one supersoldier, one volatile genius and the planet’s most terrifyingly organised woman. And, occasionally, a Norse god.

There had been teething problems, mainly relating to everyone except Tony being extremely wary of him. It had been Tony who had managed to persuade them all, mainly through sarcasm and taunting, that the Other Guy wasn’t likely to make an appearance in the course of a normal day, and they could stop walking on eggshells around him.

It got better after that. Generally better. Persuading the assassins that they could relax around him did have the side effect that they no longer actively announced their presence, which meant jumping out of his skin at least once a week as one of them appeared apparently out of nowhere.

It was also interesting watching the relationships. Steve and Bucky finished each other’s sentences, wore each other’s clothes, were very tactile, and basically lived in each other’s pockets. Natasha and Clint on the other hand, while still very much a happy couple, needed their personal space, had separate rooms. Tony and Pepper alternated, sometimes needing each other close, sometimes needing the space away.

In all this Bruce knew he should feel like a third wheel, but usually at least one person had their other half away, and even when they didn’t he was always included. Though he could have done without Tony announcing two movie nights ago that since all the couples were in they should make an effort to hug Bruce. Somehow this had been taken as a signal by Clint and Bucky to vault onto his end of the sofa and crush him between them in an over-enthusiastic cuddle. And proceed to stay like that for the whole film. Blade Runner was never going to be the same again.

Bruce was currently in his lab, working on some equations that Erik Selvig had sent him. Bucky appeared at his elbow, making him jump, but that was routine enough. He seemed to be about to say something, then stopped.

“Something on your mind?”

At that point Tony appeared through the door, and Bruce realised that Bucky must have heard him coming before he did.

“Yeah, penny for them, Sargesicle.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I’m pregnant.”

“Even for you, that’s a terrible joke, no set-up-“

“Cause it ain’t a joke.”

“So, what, Cap came out to all of us for nothing or-“

“Or weird Hydra experiments.”

While both Bucky and Natasha could have a very dry sense of humor, this really didn’t feel like any of their set-ups. Bruce shared a look with Tony to confirm that they both thought the same thing.

Tony said, “Huh. Genuinely the first time in my life I’m interested in what another guy’s keeping in his pants.”

“Try and do anything about that, pal, and you can pick whether Steve or Natasha kicks your ass. I’d do it myself, but they told me to take it easy.”

“So, what, you and Steve decided to do the white picket fence thing-“

“Uh, kinda more of an accident.”

Tony beamed at this. “Captain America does not practice safe sex? I’m scandalised. Shouldn’t he be the face of some government initiative? Cap Condoms has good ring to it.”

Bruce said, “A happy accident...?” He left that hanging.

Bucky shrugged. “Pretty happy. Not perfect.”

Tony said, “Right, Bucky, details. When’s the littlest Avenger due? Boy or Girl? Names? We need to think about schools, colleges-”

“This, this is why I said not perfect. October, don’t know yet, don’t know but don’t even think of suggesting Antony.”

“I was going to suggest Starketta for a girl. Or Starkina.”

“You can call your own kids egotistical stripper names if you want, Tony.”

Tony made a horrified face. “I see myself more in the favourite, disreputable uncle role, which you are nicely setting me up for. You can keep me in mind for godfather as well.”

“You’re an atheist.”

“Details, details. Godlessfather then.”

There was something Bruce had to say. It would hurt to move out, to leave the people he was now thinking of as his (very strange) family, but the needs of a child came first. “I can move out whenever you want.”

Bucky looked genuinely surprised. “Why?”

“In case the Other Guy makes an appearance.”

“Hell, no.” Bruce had expected that sort of vehemence from Tony, but here it was coming from Bucky. “First, I know from experience that I can still run and fight when I’m pregnant. Second, there’s a helluva lot of bad stuff that could happen to me, and the Other Guy is pretty low down my list of threats. Third, you’re all kinda family. You don’t get kicked out.”

“Fourth, my tower, my rules. And if we’re all family, I am going to win favourite uncle. It’s on, Banner.”

Bruce put his hands up and laughed. “I can’t compete with you on either presents or inappropriate ideas.”

Bucky sighed. “This kid’s not gonna need a college fund, it’s gonna need a therapist fund.”

Tony said, “And don’t think that I missed that you’ve been pregnant before. You’re Natasha’s mom, aren’t you?”

Bucky nodded.

“So who’s Natasha’s dad? Some Soviet hero?”

Bucky smiled and said, “Same as this one’s.”

“Steve? Shit, Steve is Natasha’s father? How-“

“A long time on ice, Tony. Same as me.”

“You’d think she’d be taller-“

Bruce was ahead of Tony on this one “But does Steve’s child inherit what the serum gave him or what he was born with? How tall was Steve before?”

Bucky said, “Maybe five five? He’d say five six. But you can take your pick from that or Soviet infant formula, being put into training at six, and being frozen. Sure that ain’t good for a growing kid.”

“Formula? So the Red Room doesn’t think that breast is best?”

“Yeah, well, not an option, Hydra didn’t exactly give me the whole kit. Stop looking at my chest like that Tony, it’s seven kinds of creepy.”

Tony very deliberately looked up and changed the subject. “If your dad’s team leader that’s got to be favoritism-“

“Don’t even think of bringing it up with either of them. That ain’t how they think of each other, and it ain’t ever gonna be how they think of each other. Biology isn’t family.”

“As honorary uncle to your unborn child, I heartily agree.”

\---

Tony approached the fact that there was a pregnant male assassin under his roof the same way he approached all other problems – intensive research. He was confident in his ability to make himself a reasonable authority on male pregnancy in under 24 hours.

A day later and Tony was definitely the world expert on male pregnancy. Given how little anyone knew, that wasn’t saying much. He’d started with the usual methods of pregnancy, and found himself increasingly horrified. People told him off for taking stupid risks, and yet said nothing about the walking potential disasters in maternity dresses on every street. And that was just women. As far as SHIELD and anyone else knew, Bucky was the only man who had ever become pregnant. The Red Room may have had medical data, but it wasn’t like they were about to share (and it could easily have been lost in any of their various purges and murderous reorganisations).

Tony’s resolve not to over-analyze himself extended to the fact that he’d gone from being deeply, continually annoyed with Steve (as the perfect older brother his father had always preferred), to actually being quite fond of the bastard. This was all Bucky’s fault, for viciously showing that Steve might actually be, you know, human. He’d tried resenting Bucky for a bit, but since Bucky breezily didn’t give a damn it was very unsatisfying, and he ended up liking him as well. He still thought of Steve as his big brother, which made Bucky his brother-in-law and the Star Spangled Fetus his nephew or niece. He very deliberately didn’t follow this train of thought down to Natasha. Not while he was still likely to see her in the figure-hugging catsuit, and definitely not while he still had those lingerie pictures in the favorites folder that Pepper politely pretended she didn’t know about.

And from his research Bucky and the Star Spangled Fetus were in considerable peril for the next six months or so. The only sensible reaction was to have round-the-clock intense medical monitoring so that any problems could be addressed as soon as possible. It didn’t take him long to set up the monitoring rig. All of it was existing tech, he just had to amalgamate and streamline it. Having it as an adhesive patch was not his favored solution, but it really did have to be fairly close to the fetus to pick up both sets of vitals. He’d work on a wrist-mounted version later.

He found Bucky alone in the kitchen eating cereal, which possibly meant it was morning.

“Hey, Pregsicle, I want you to wear this.”

Bucky looked at the patch that Tony was holding and said, “What is it?”

“Comprehensive real time paternal-fetal monitoring. Blood pressure, both your heart rates, uterine artery bloodflow-“

“No.”

“Pregnancy is one of the most dangerous things a young woman can do, so for a guy who’s either middle-aged or elderly, it’s got to be heading into suicidal-“

“I know. I said no.”

“Hey, you want to take it off when you’re with Cap-“

“Leave it, Tony.”

Tony had no intention of leaving it, he looked after his team, even if they didn’t want it. “It’s all tested tech, nothing that’s going to harm Star Spangled Fetus, you won’t even know it’s there-“

Suddenly Bucky was about two inches from Tony’s face, expression set hard, eyes blazing. “I spent three months hooked up to every machine that the Red Room could think of, kept me tested and hurting the whole goddamned time because I was their fucking lab rat, and there ain’t no way I’m having anything like that again. I ain’t seeing a doctor this time without someone to watch my back ‘case they get any ideas about me being their big research break, and I certainly ain’t letting you plug me into anything, ever. Understand?”

Tony realised exactly why the Winter Soldier was quite so feared, but Tony Stark did not get intimidated by pregnant pensioners. “Understood. You want to go with 1940s infant mortality, you do that.”

Bucky didn’t even bother to reply, just stalked out of the room.

Tony went in search of Natasha. His first choice would have been Steve, but since he was off being heroic somewhere she would have to do.

“I know you both have history with big bad evil doctors, but your dad won’t wear the monitoring system I made for him-.”

“Good for him.”

“Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to be pregnant? And that’s just for a woman-“

“Yes, Tony, I know. I still agree with him.” She sighed. “Look, I know you mean well, and I know you’re worried about him-“

“Hey, I do not get worried about terrifying assassins-“

“Of course you don’t, that’s why you want to constantly check to make sure he’s ok. But I think we’re both too used to people watching us to keep us in line. And when he watches someone like that it usually means he’s going to kill them. So he’s never going to agree to it. And don’t even think of getting JARVIS set up with some remote monitoring. If papa finds out he’ll be out of here, and he might even decide to stay off the radar until he was due then hold a gun to some doctor’s head to do the c-section. I’m sure you’d rather that didn’t happen.”

Tony made every effort to look like he hadn’t already started working out how to remotely monitor Bucky. Natasha was right, better that Bucky got the less-than-adequate medical care he was currently getting, rather than him leaving entirely.

So, he’d have to just try and not think about the horrible danger. He could do that, he could distract himself. He could give himself a six month head start on the most inventive ways to be the Bad Influence Uncle. He’d almost given up on being anyone’s Bad Influence Uncle, since Rhodey was singularly failing to settle down and breed with anyone.

Though that was an idea. If he could get Rhodey settled and breeding soon, he could be Bad Influence Uncle to an army brat and an air force brat of approximately the same age. Which meant he could have literally years of fun poking their inter-service rivalries. Time to update Rhodey’s online dating profiles.

\---

Dr. Gill Young hadn’t said anything to the other three doctors involved in the care of Agent B, but ever since they’d first met him she’d had a nagging sense that she knew him. She had no idea where from, but there was something extremely familiar about him. She couldn’t think that anything she’d ever done would have meant her crossing paths with a SHIELD agent, even one deeply undercover.

Normally she would have very little to do with prenatal care, even in the most complex cases being involved just enough to get to know the parents, mainly working from scans and information gathered by the obstetricians. But SHIELD had decided that all four of them were needed to review Agent B on a weekly basis, and what the scary, heavily armed semi-secret agency wanted, it got.

He was warming up to them a little, it seemed. He still set very clear boundaries on what they could and couldn’t do, refusing all scans after their first visit, refusing all but the most minimal blood and urine tests. And he still was never alone for any of their visits. The first few times he’d been accompanied by his daughter, then by a man with dark blond hair who he’d been quick to point out “ain’t my partner, he’s my daughter’s partner”.

“And your partner is...?”

“Busy, is what he is.”

They had at least got him to agree to a scan at twenty weeks, which was where they were headed now. But instead of being taken from the conference room to SHIELD medical, they were taken to the car park and put into a car. The agent with them explained, “Since Agent B is becoming more obviously pregnant, we have taken the decision not to bring him into SHIELD. You will find all the equipment you need when we arrive.”

‘There’ turned out to be Stark Tower. Gill had always assumed Tony Stark was straight, but if anyone could get a guy pregnant she’d guess it was him. And he fitted with being an absentee partner. But then again, Stark worked for SHIELD, he could just be giving Agent B somewhere to stay which could have all the equipment they needed.

They were taken high up the building. And Gill’s brain just about fused. Agent B was sat on an examination couch, and next to him, arm around his waist, every inch the proud father-to-be was Captain America. As if that wasn’t enough, Tony Stark was there, along with Pepper Potts. She vaguely noted as well Agent B’s daughter and her partner, and a man she didn’t recognise but who definitely didn’t look like a SHIELD agent.

Captain America had been all over the news over the past few weeks, going around the world on diplomatic and military missions. ‘Busy’ just about covered it.

The SHIELD agent they’d come in with introduced them. Captain America said “Pleased to meet you,” and smiled the smile she’d seen on so many newsreels and in that moment it all clicked.

She blurted out before she even had chance to think about it, “The B stands for Barnes, doesn’t it?”

Agent B grinned and said, “Sharp cookie.”

The other three doctors were looking at her blankly. Greg said, “You know him?”

She hesitated before answering. “Um. My dad was older than my mom. Fought in Europe in World War Two. He never actually met Captain America,” she blushed at this, talking about Captain America was quite a different prospect when the guy was actually standing in front of her, “but he was a big fan. Had all the newsreels, not the ones from the stage shows, but the stuff from the front lines. And he always said – you might not be able to be Captain America, but you can always be a Howling Commando. He meant that you could do the right thing even if you weren’t a superhero. So he made sure I knew as much about the Howling Commandos as about Captain America.”

And now Captain America was smiling right at her, a quite different smile to the one when they’d come in. She realised that the newsreel smile was the fake one, and this was the genuine one. He said, “I’d have liked to have met your father. He sounds a swell guy.”

“Thank you, sir. That would have meant a lot to him.” She wasn’t sure if she was going to pass out, burst into tears or possibly both. She took a deep breath to compose herself, and realised that the other doctors were still looking blankly at her. They still hadn’t worked it out. “Agent B is Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes of the Howling Commandos.”

Ivona opened her mouth and shut it again. “I was about to say that’s impossible, but I realised just how dumb that was.”

Agent B- Sergeant Barnes said, “It is impossible. I ain’t him, I ain’t here, and I definitely ain’t pregnant. You keeping up?”

The four of them nodded.

Tony Stark said, “Top secret Hallmark moment over, we want to see the Star Spangled Fetus.”

Barnes turned to Stark and said, “You are here ‘cause you agreed to keep quiet, Tony.”

Stark switched to silently making extravagant ‘hurry up’ gestures.

The thing about long professional training was that it gave you a very good autopilot to fall back on. So while a large part of her brain was occupied with trying to process Captain America having knocked up a Howling Commando, the rest of it was going through the same process she would when reviewing any ultrasound. It was something of a relief that it all looked fine.

The news that it was a boy was greeted with smiles from the parents, and the exchange of money between the others in the room.

Gill left with a hundred things swirling round her mind, questions she was certain she was never going to get answers to. But one thing kept coming to the fore - Captain America had said he would like to have met her father. Tonight, she was going to sit down with the kids and watch those newsreels she’d watched with her dad, and get the family photos out. Sure, the kids would mock her for getting old and nostalgic, and she couldn’t tell them what had brought it on, but it would be worth it.

\---

Fury looked at the two agents who were standing in front of him wearing carefully neutral expressions. He was absolutely certain they had taken out seven targets on their little European vacation. Not that there was a single shred of evidence to link them to any of the deaths. In fact there was fairly persuasive evidence that they had been in a different city for five of the seven. But you got used to how people worked, and there was no doubt who was behind the kills. And no doubt as to why.

Romanov and Barton had gone rogue, in a very focussed and controlled manner, and then reported for work after their vacation as if nothing had happened. And Fury couldn’t prove a damn thing. While people believed that SHIELD worked entirely on his whim, it did not. There were procedures designed to prevent abuse of power, to ensure that any accusation had to be backed up with evidence. And he knew that Barton and Romanov knew that as well.

If they were as clever as he thought they were, they would also know that their next ten missions at least were going to be the most unpleasant that he could think of. If the next clear and present danger could be persuaded to go to ground in a sewage treatment works that would be ideal.

This was a formality. To let them, semi-officially, know that he knew and was not pleased about it. And to satisfy his curiosity on one point.

“As you know, we have a list of the clearest threats to each of our highest profile agents. Since you went on vacation, the list for the Winter Soldier got a whole lot shorter.” Neither of them reacted. He didn’t expect them to. “Two dead in Moscow. One in Novosibirsk. One in Kiev. Two in London. One in Berlin.” Those were the seven he knew they’d taken out. Now the part he was curious about. “And two fished out of the Hudson here in New York.”

Anyone who wasn’t Fury would have seen two agents still completely blank. But Fury saw the nanosecond of a flicker of reaction in both of them. So they hadn’t known about Barnes’ contribution to this exercise. He’d suspected as much, Romanov could be very protective of him, but Fury had wanted confirmation.

Which also meant that Barnes would have worked alone to lure the targets to the city, then get past the double security measures on the Avengers Tower (one layer was all SHIELD, the other was Stark’s increasingly paranoid attempts to ensure Barnes’ safety). Then made his way across New York unnoticed, while visibly pregnant, kill two men and leave no evidence, then make his way home before his absence was noted.

This meant that Fury needed to do two things. The first was update SHIELD’s contingency plans for a certain dysfunctional superfamily going rogue, as they were at least 15% more dangerous than had been calculated for. The second was to refuse Barnes’ application for extended maternity leave. If he could pull a stunt like that, they needed him in the field.

\---

Pepper was holding Bucky and Steve responsible for one of the worst moments of her life (well, worst moment that didn’t involve death or near-death). Not finding out that Bucky was pregnant, weird was getting so normal to her that she had to stop herself enquiring about the species of the fetus. The worst moment happened when she caught up with Tony after finding out. He’d turned to her, much more hesitant than usual, and said “So... kids...”

She’d nearly choked and made a noise a lot like “Sklerk." The idea of having something like that growing inside her was horrifying. And even after that was over, you’d be left with a baby. She didn’t like babies. Tony was the most dependent thing that she could deal with.

Thankfully the moment was over almost as soon as it started, when Tony said, “Oh, thank god.”

She’d never felt so relieved in all her life. And the ‘yay for not breeding’ sex which followed had been fantastic.

She’d learn to deal with a baby around the tower. But there were things that needed doing first. For example, no-one had thought to organise a baby shower. Or find Bucky any maternity clothes. The man was normally a sharp dresser, but this had all gone out the window at the point they confined him to the tower. Bucky had a few loose sweatshirts that covered the bump, but a lot of the time he seemed happy enough with his pants working down his hips and his t-shirts riding up the bump. He looked like a hillbilly with a beer belly, and she was not having that. A baby shower would be a good excuse to get him looking presentable again.

She was not expecting the strident opposition to this from both fathers-to-be.

"It's bad luck."

"What?"

"Buying a bunch of baby stuff before the baby's born. It's bad luck. You gotta get some stuff, but not too much-"

"And never a baby carriage-" said Steve.

"Yeah, especially not that. So a party where you buy stuff for the baby? No."

"That sounds ridiculous-"

Steve softly said, "Not when you've seen people carrying coffins so small they fit under one arm."

Pepper's thoughts came to a screeching halt. Of course. No antibiotics, no money for doctors anyway, and suddenly, yes, a baby shower did sound very presumptuous. Unluckily so.

Bucky had his arms folded above his bump. "Do you get it? This is too damn dangerous to go celebrating mission accomplished before its happened."

Yes, she did get it. And she was going to make damn sure that the others did as well. Tony could plan his state of the art nursery to his heart's content, as long as neither Steve nor Bucky found out about it.

But she was also going to make sure that Bucky found all his favorite t-shirts mysteriously replaced by maternity versions.

\---

Even if he hadn't thought it was bad luck, Bucky wouldn't have been nesting.

What he was doing was preparing to survive. He had fought his way half out of a Red Room facility while heavily pregnant last time, but he'd been a lot younger and stupider then. This time he needed to keep in practice, which meant keeping working out, and even if no-one would spar with him (understandably) he could still practice moves without an opponent.

He’d always had an exit strategy; just now it was a little more complicated. Not many people knew that it was technically possible to perform a c-section on yourself. He’d looked into it as thoroughly as possible, and was reasonably confident that given the right equipment (which might just possibly be neatly packed along with baby clothes, nappies, infant formula, spare weapons and ammo, in a backpack under their bed) he could do it and both he and the baby would probably survive. In extremis, well, he always carried at least one knife on him.

This, along with ten dead Red Room and former Red Room operatives (he was quite proud that SHIELD had only noticed nine of the deaths, it showed that he and Natasha hadn’t lost their touch) was filed under ‘things Steve doesn’t need to know about.'

Unfortunately, Bucky could forget that Steve had a habit of noticing things he was trying to keep from him.

“I, er, never thought I’d say this, but if it came to it, I’d kidnap you an obstetrician rather than have you operate on yourself.”

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Thanks? But I really hope it’s not going to come to that.”

“ _You_ hope? You’re not the one being sliced open, pal.”

Steve sighed and wrapped his arms around Bucky. He pressed a kiss into Bucky’s hair and said, "What do normal couples talk about?"

"Boring stuff. Like names."

"Tony says that if we don't have at least some possible names he'll register the birth himself, and that Stark Industries Rogers-Barnes is a great name for a boy."

"No kid of mine is ever gonna live up to a hyphen."

"That's the part that worries you?"

"Really dumb first names get nicknames, but you're stuck with your surname."

"You're doing all the work, he should have your name."

"You're the ranking officer, the national icon, and you knocked me up, should be yours."

There was a pause, and then Steve said, "Toss for it?"

"Tails."

"Heads."

"Rogers then. Hope you realise this is how we're gonna settle all the important parenting questions."

\---

Thor was most pleased to find on his next visit to Midgard that Bucky was to bear Steve a son. A proud warrior such as Steve should have strong sons and daughters to come after him. It had taken him some time to fully understand the circumstances of the pregnancy. Naturally, he had assumed that Bucky had changed his sex to bear the child, as could be done by some of the more powerful on Asgard. Thor had not felt that it was right to share that his brother was one of those who could, and indeed had done so. He doubted that any of the Avengers would appreciate the comparison.

He then assumed that the symptoms of childbearing which Bucky was complaining about were a result of his being with child as the result of an experiment. He was quite nonplussed to find out that sore backs, swollen ankles and indigestion were regarded as normal for those who were with child. This though bore out his general impression of humans, that while they were puny, they were brave out of all proportion to their strength.

But what was most clear to him was how bored Bucky was. This was understandable. He was an active warrior, who was unable to fight, unable to even leave the building.

Thor felt he should do something about this. He thought about ways he had seen that humans amused themselves which did not involve much activity, and remembered a conversation he’d had with Darcy about computer games. That was a good idea.

With this in mind he sought out the nearest game store.

It was mid afternoon, and the store was almost empty, so he strode over to the gangly boy who was restocking the shelves. “I seek a game for my friend. A game worthy of a warrior, yet suitable for a woman who is with child.”

The store clerk stared at him for a moment. “Err, ok, your friend is a soldier and pregnant?”

“This is the case. She is very bored. She needs to be entertained.”

“What consoles does she have?”

“I shall buy the consoles she needs.”

“Wow, I wish I had friends like you. Do you know what sort of games she likes?”

“I do not know. I have shared many a tale with her partner, but I know her less well.”

“Uh. ‘Kay. Um, if she’s a soldier she probably doesn’t want something like Call Of Duty, too much like the job. I don’t know, would something that’s got fighting but not got modern warfare in it, something like Assassin’s Creed, would that be too much like work as well?”

“I believe that would definitely be too much like work.”

“So steer away from anything like that. She like Harry Potter? Lord of the Rings? Superheroes?”

Thor was very pleased that he kept a totally straight face when he said, “Yes, she does like superheroes.”

“Great, because I was going to suggest Lego Batman - cartoon violence only, and superheroes.”

“I will take that one. But I think I should have others as well, in case she tires with the first.”

“Ok, sports or driving games would be my next choice. Is there any sport she follows?”

“Her partner likes baseball.”

The clerk grinned. “Yeah, and my dad loved baseball and my mom hated it.”

“I see. I do recall that she likes fast cars. Tell me of driving games.” He thought that Bucky probably did, though his announcement that he intended to borrow Tony’s Bugatti for a run to the nearest drive-through may have merely been to get a reaction from Tony.

He came back to the tower with a large bag containing a console, accessories and games. All the store clerks had been most helpful to him, and had given him other suggestions about gifts for pregnant women, so he was also carrying a large bag of baked goods.

Bucky had seemed surprised, but happy.

Soon all the Avengers were gathered around the screen. Bucky was playing Batman, Bruce and Clint taking turns to be Robin. Steve and Natasha were sat either side of them, offering unhelpful advice, and in the case of Steve, eating most of the baked goods Thor had bought.

Tony was pacing behind the couch, in the middle of an animated conversation with his lawyers, planning his own Iron Man computer game, and Pepper was looking up things, pointing out things to Tony as he talked.

Thor was most pleased. The Avengers were his second family, and he enjoyed seeing them getting along.

\---

Natasha retrieved her phone from SHIELD at the end of the mission and read her messages as before heading back to the tower.

One from her papa, five days previously: _Not an only child. Try not to be jealous._ This was followed by a picture of him beaming while holding an amorphous pink thing which she assumed to be her brother.

One from Steve just after that: _He’s called Benjamin Franklin Rogers, he was 8lb 6oz, and both he and your papa are doing fine._

A couple of generic congratulations from Bruce and Pepper.

A series of messages from Clint: _I have held your brother. Is this weird? It should be weird._

Then, from a few hours after that: _Bucky and Steve are making baby-noises at your brother. Weird does not cover this._

Immediately after that: _I know I should be used to weird._

Two days later: _BUCKY MADE ME CHANGE YOUR BROTHERS DIAPER SEND HELP_

The next day was a series of pictures from Clint of a horrified-looking Tony in the process of a diaper change, with her papa hanging over his shoulder looking threatening. This was followed by the message: _Think I laughed myself a hernia._

She was smiling to herself. It looked like her papa had decided that “it takes a village to raise a child” should be taken literally. She also was assuming that her papa would not be stupid enough to try the same with her. The two of them were pretty evenly matched these days, and she was more than happy to fight to retain her ignorance of the contents of a baby’s diaper.

It was the small hours of the morning, but the Avengers kept such strange hours that she wasn’t surprised that someone was in the kitchen. It turned out to be Steve, holding a tiny bundle in an Iron Man onesie.

He smiled at her and said, “Want to say hello to your brother?”

She looked at the bundle. It was pink and soft and breathing. She didn’t feel anything particular, other than a hope that it wasn’t about to vomit.

Steve chuckled softly. “You’re normally so good at hiding what you’re thinking.”

"Ask me again when it can communicate and is continent."

Steve smiled and then looked more serious. "I know you warned me off any of the father-stuff. But he’s made me think that I've missed out on so much not seeing you grow up. And then I realised that I could never have seen you grow up. If we'd come back to the US with Bucky pregnant, you'd have ended up adopted by some military-approved family. And how Bucky talks about you, how he is with Ben- I don't know what that would have done to him. Never mind what they'd have done to us." Steve gave a rueful smile. "Which is selfish, isn't it? I wouldn't wish your childhood on anyone."

"I certainly wouldn't. But I don't think I'd have wanted your imaginary military-approved, all-American white picket fence childhood either. I'd probably have ended up some frustrated military housewife."

"I can't imagine you ever being ordinary. You'd have found your way."

"You're underestimating papa anyway. Much more likely that he'd have brought me up on the run from the government." She paused. "Would you have gone with him if he had? If he'd made you choose?"

Steve looked at the baby in his arms, then back at her. "Definitely. But I think I want to try for a bit more normality for Ben." He paused. "As much as possible around here. Tony's already trying to create some sort of baby-friendly computer interface, Clint's bought him a toy bow and arrow-"

"Let me guess, papa bought him a nerf gun in retaliation?"

Steve stifled a laugh and nodded.

"He'll do fine. Not so much on the normality, but he'll be fine."

"You want to hold him? I think he'll stay asleep, at least for a while."

She nodded even though she had no particular desire to hold her brother. The glow of Steve's pride was enough to tell her that he wanted her to be as proud of her brother as he was. Ben was surprisingly heavy, warm and solid in her arms. She was struck by how terrifyingly fragile he was, tiny and defenseless. Her mind wheeled through all the ways he could be killed, and a phrase from so long ago came into her head. 'There are people who would hurt you because they hate me.'

The people were different, but the hate wasn't.

The protective feeling that welled up in her almost took her by surprise. Not any cutesy thoughts about how lovely babies were, but rather a fierce determination that no-one was ever, _ever_ going to harm her brother.


End file.
